Zelka

I was diagnosed in Jan 2007 at the age of 33.  I had no family history of breast cancer and no reason to suspect that a painful lump I developed would be so serious.

My children were a few months short of their 5th and 2nd birthdays and oblivious to the fact that things were about to change dramatically in our household.

Although I was very upbeat and determined to beat the disease, secretly I worried about wheter I would live long enough to see my children grow up.

I decided however that the children were my best motivation to get better and healthy and I owed it them to make sure I was around to bring them up.

Although I have a very supportive husband he had a very difficult time accepting my diagnosis initially whereas I just wanted to get on with it.  We both agreed that as the doctors said it was possible to have treatment and carry on working, we would try to carry on everything as normal as possible.   We both agreed to tell the children although my youngest Lorenzo would not really understand.  My eldest son Marco we knew being a bright child would need info and explanations.

I tried to explain without emotion that mommy was sick with a  disease called cancer.  The doctors would give me lots of medicine which would make me better but it would also me feel sick and tired.

I also explained that all my hair would fall out.

This did not go down well and I was quite surprised that it really upset him and he burst into tears.   It was very hard to contain my emotion as this was my biggest fear, but I had to show a brave face and assured him it would be ok.  We spoke about it often and always answered any questions as truthfully as possible.

I also made sure that the nursery schools and aftercare were aware of my illness and asked them to keep watch over the kids and how they coped.

Marco being the talkative and inquisitive child that he is was very informative and made sure he told anyone who would listen that his mommy had cancer.  What threw me is one day when he came home quite confused and told me that his friend told him that “All people with cancer die”    I tried my best to be calm and told him that it wasn’t strictly true – it could happen but most people don’t die.  I tried to explain that people can die from different things and that his friend didn’t explain it properly.

When my hair started falling out 2 weeks after the first chemo, I found it very upsetting but tried not to break down in front of the kids.  My little one didn’t appear to be affected in any way but Marco noticed.

We decided together that as it was getting everywhere we would go and shave it off.  So off we went to the barber shop where he stood and held my hand as they shaved it off.  After that he became comfortable with his bald mummy and took great pleasure in advertising the fact that I wore a wig.

The first chemo was quite devasting on my system and I ended up in hospital within 10 days with a raging fever and infection in my body caused by a collapse of the immune system.   It was frightening for the boys as I was put in isolation and they were not allowed to visit me.   I was also so weak from the chemo prior to hospitalization that I  could not pick up the kids and my baby felt this the most.

Luckily for me my husband is a very affectionate caring father and he spent a lot of time with the kids when I was not strong enough to.   My mother who lived in Botswana came to stay with me for a week with each chemo I had so I had a great support system for the kids and to make sure household chores got done.

Eventually I got into the swing of things with chemo but when it threw me into menopause it was not easy for anyone living in the house.  I would shout and scream for no real reason and my poor kids and husband just tried to keep out of the way.

I seemed to remain close to eldest son who I could communicate with but I lost the bond with my baby who latched onto his father.  It took a year or so  to get it back and I found it very hard.

Radiation was a breeze as it was a daily ritual before work and my kids weren’t affected that I can remember.  We took a family holiday right after I completed the treatment but I hadn’t realized how tired I had become and then I had to worry about not getting any sun on the area which was by now red and inflamed. Not the greatest holiday, but we really needed it.

My breast operation went well and the boys seemed very happy to have me back home but it was difficult for them to remember to not jump on me and keep out of the way of my drains. Again my little one wanted to be picked up and I could not do that for a while but we always tried to compensate by having granny, or dad or our domestic worker to help.

My last year of treatment with the herceptin had probably the least impact on the family as I had very little side effects. My baby was also older and understood that mummy needs to lie down as she has been to the doctor.

I tried to lie down on the couch where I was in contact with them so they could see me and we could watch tv together and talk.

They were very concerned about my hysterectomy as I was in a huge amount of pain and could hardly walk.  Again drains were involved and Marco was not happy that his new puppy was banished outside.

The puppy had previously had his visitation rights and would happily watch tv on the couch with us but this had to come to an end for hygiene purposes !

Its been a long journey for us as a family but my boys now accept that I am a member of Bosom Buddies and that I try to help others who have breast cancer.

I have committee meetings and functions and fundraisers and if its possible I try to include them and tell them about it.  They now understand that a pink ribbon means breast cancer and often mistake red aids ribbons to be the same thing!   Such is the enthusiasm !

If I had to give advice to a young mother newly diagnosed it would be to be honest with your kids.  Accept whatever help is offered and create whatever support system is available to you.  School teachers and friends can be a big help and by being open and honest about the challenges you face, people can often exceed your expectations.  Children are very accepting and accommodating if you make them feel secure and tell them whats going on.

I can honestly say that this experience has strengthed me as a person and while I may not quite know what my purpose on earth is, I sure feel a lot closer to knowing.

Whatever it is, all of our time here is limited and if some of us need to get smacked over the head to make us appreciate what we have in life, then that’s not such a bad thing is it ?